My name is Hideyo
by Hand-gyded
Summary: The thoughts of a teenage girl from a clan with powers far more superior to that of the Arrancar concerning Ichigo.


This is sort of a 'teenage-confession' thing so it's got all these short abrupt sentences. Just trying to capture emotions here without being wordy. Anyway, read (and hopefully) enjoy!

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_I see him...everyday I see him...and strangely, he never sees me._

I'm not too suprised I've not been noticed. Do I expect better from a bunch of amateurs? Not really. It's just a little amusing. Watching them play their games: defeating their "enemies" and "training". I watch them get stronger and stronger, but still when I think about it, I doubt any of them can put a scratch on me. Not even that guy: Ichigo. Sad.

My name is Hideyo Sai. No, I'm not Japanese though I look it. Hideyo Sai. My grandfather gave me that name. Hideyo means Storm, Sai means dance. So my name means Dance of the Storm (sort of, anyway). I was transferred to Ichigo's class a little before Rukia was. Rukia...how disappointing. Even a trained Shinigami like her never recognised me, never recognised my power. Neither did the Quincy boy: Ishida.

But I guess I can't really blame them, I've never been too keen on drawing attention from Soul Society. Lately, I've noticed they don't exactly welcome past mistakes like the Bounto. If they destroyed the Bounto and the Quincy, what are the chances that _we'll_ be spared. Who's we? Even we don't know what we're supposed to be called. All we know is we were dubbed Project Zanpaktou, and we've been around almost as long as the Bounto. Project Zanpaktou was aimed at creating warriors whose bodies were their zanpaktou. Simply, we the Projects do not have zanpaktou, we _are _zanpaktou. But unlike the zanpaktou of Shingami, we are not of the blades of Shinigami souls, we are the blades of our own souls. And quite frankly, we are unstoppable. Probably why Project Zanpaktou was terminated.

Soul Society. A name that'll be loathed by every Project for all eternity. Soul Society's habit of destroying life right after creating it just for their own convinience sickens us. Especially in our case, where most of our race was destroyed by destroying us in our infantile stage, when we are innocent and helpless. But Soul Society erred, a small number of my people survived. And training ourselves to completely hide our reaitsu so not even a particle of it can be felt, we blended into Earth's community, staying out of Soul Society's way. We are a people of peace, we do not want revenge, we only want to survive. Life is enough.

Ichigo. The first time I saw him I thought, "Damn. That's a lot of reaitsu." And I was nervous. I wondered if he was, by any chance, a Shinigami undercover. But I quicky dismissed that idea. Why? I had never seen anyone with as bad a control over his reaitsu as Ichigo had. For pete's sake, the stuff was pouring all over the place! And it was thick and strong and...and...suffocating! I was impressed. He had almost half as much as I did. I had never met a human with that much reaitsu. And when I looked around at his friends, they seemed to be absorbing it like sponges. I knew Ichigo was making warriors out of his friends and he didn't even know it. It was just a matter of time.

My first night in Karakurachou, I sneaked to Ichigo's house. It was easy finding it. The guy was a lighthouse with all that reaitsu. I didn't really know why I was following a total stranger and eventually I found myself sitting on the pavement with my back against a pole, watching his house...waiting... It wasn't long before I heard the sky tear open in a distance, a voice whispering in my thoughts, _It's time_. I stood up and with a small leap, landed on the house of the Kurosakis. Then, I turned to the west and patiently watched. A hollow. This one could fly, and it was coming straight for the home I was standing over. I watched as it drew closer and closer, then before it could alert the Kurosaki family with one of its sickening roars, I lifted my left hand. With a wave of it, I sent a shockwave slicing perfectly through its masked face. The hollow disintegrated without a sound, and I promptly resumed my position infront of the pole.

_Why was I helping this guy? I barely knew him. So what if he has tons of reiatsu? Is that a good enough reason to break the laws of my clan? I could get myself into trouble_ _doing this! _But I still waited. I had killed several hollows when I was a kid, just for fun or practice. Ichigo was the first person I had killed a hollow to save. And it felt good being of some use. My people were powerful but they were being useless by just hiding, for once, I didn't want to be like them. And just seeing Ichigo had brought that out of me? Absurd. As I sat against that pole I wondered if that had been my purpose for folIowing the spiky orange haired boy, protecting him. I wasn't sure. And still I sat there...waiting... . I spent the whole night there, and several other nights. Everyday I saw him in school, and half-heartedly hoped one day he'd walk up to me saying something like, "I see you infront of my house everynight!" or "Are you protecting me or somthing? That's really nice." Fat chance.

I'll never forget what happened the night Ichigo met Rukia. I was at my post as usual when I saw a black robed figure go through Ichigo's window. Whoever had entered had insignificantly weak reaitsu and I'd hardly noticed her. But I knew who that was: A Shinigami. Instantly, I got on my feet. I wondered what would happen, whoever that was obviously didn't know Ichigo would be able to see him (or her). There was going to be trouble. And seeing a Shinigami was involved, I did what my clan does best. I chickened out and stayed away. Even when I saw that hollow...even when it attacked Ichigo's home...even when I saw his sister bleeding...even when the shinigami was torn up. I stayed a distance away and just watched. And there, I witnessed how Ichigo got his powers.

That day, I hated myself. And for the next couple of weeks I walked around depressed as hell and nothing that happened interested me. Not even when the shinigami from the previous night (I recognized her reaitsu) was introduced to the class as Kuchiki Rukia (I wasn't fooled, I knew she was in a gigai). My conscience accused me over and over again...it called me weak. I agreed. During those weeks, I watched Ichigo transform into a Shinigami time and time again, run across the park with Rukia on his shoulders to fight off hollows. I grew jealous. Very jealous. I mean, I'll admit I'm not as sexy as Inoue with those absurdly large twin engines attached to her chest or smart as Rukia (ignoring her obsession for Chappy) but come on! What does it take to have a guy notice you?

Unless...unless somehow he knew I'd abandoned him...abandoned him when he needed me. His family could have been killed, and I refused to save them just because of some Shinigami I could've finished off with the wave of a hand if she had posed a threat!

So why didn't I help them? Why didn't I...help _him_?

Even during those weeks of depression, I still followed him secretly. I watched him save Inoue when her dead brother came back for her. That day I wouldn't have minded so much if she'd been killed. Shocking, yet true. But Ichigo put his life before hers, and ofcourse, ended up saving her. More than I could ever dream of doing.I was in the classroom "Ichigo" jumped into the classroom through the window. Then, ofcourse, I knew it wasn't Ichigo. Apart from the reaitsu being different, it was very low. But it still burned to see his lips touch Inoue's hand.

Ishida. A real pain in the ass sometimes. The day I was introduced to the class, I picked him off right away, thinking to myself, _A Quincy...oh crap. _I knew the Quincy were the experts in spirit particles and the like, and I as I walked past him I hoped he wouldn't somehow sense my hidden power. He didn't and he still doesn't. I know that for sure because judging from the way he confronted Ichigo. I'm sure he would have confronted me as well if he'd noticed. When Ishida challenged Ichigo, I was stamdomg close by. My shinkai allows me to be completely invisible. I can't forget what Ishida was saying...

_"...between a Shinigami such as you and a Quincy such as I, which would surpass the other" Ishida was saying after showing Ichigo his reiraku (spiritual thread),"Won't you fight me Kurosaki Ichigo?"_

_Ichigo was listening, incredulous. Ishida continued, "I'll make you understand, that Shinigami are unnecessary in this world."_

I listened to the rules of the game, feeling a little disappointed that Ichigo had agreed to something so stupid. And when Ishida crushed hollow bait, I thought that was the stupidest thing I'd ever seen done. I watched them seperate to take out as many as they could. I knew they couldn't handle them all, so I helped out. Whilst each did their best, I took care of the ones they'd not noticed.

Ichigo has been through a lot of crap. When he went to Soul Society with Inoue, Ishida and Chad to save Rukia I was the only one in the class who knew why they were gone for so long. I should have helped them because I could have. I would've made breaking into the Court of Pure Souls a piece of cake. I could have taken care of any captains that confronted them, even the famed Byakuya wouldn't have posed much of a problem.

So why didn't I help them? Why didn't I...help _him?_

The first thing I noticed when he came back to school was that he had learnt bankai (not too suprising) and that he had hidden hollow reaitsu: a potential vaizard. I learnt bankai when I was a kid, a little while after learning shinkai. For the Projects, knowing things like that is as natural as learning to ride a bike. I was happy for Ichigo, though I knew in his bankai state he still only possessed about a quarter of my power in my bankai state. And for Projects, the bankai isn't even the ultimate state. Just as all zanpaktou have spirits in them that can be manifested, some projects can pull out the spirits hidden at their cores to manifest on their bodies. In that state, vaizards are useless against them. I constantly train in hope that some day I will acquire that ability.

My conscience pisses me off because everyday it pesters me to introduce myself to Ichigo. _You must be crazy!_ _No way!, _I answer back, _I can't endanger my people. No matter how much he fills my mind, I think of my people first. We don't want to fight. Life is enough._

I thought of talking to him a little before the Bounto incident but I never did. Now, I wish I had. Not so many people's souls would have been stolen from them if I hadn't been a coward. I protected a few people, true. But I was restricted to certain parts of the town because I didn't want to run into Ichigo and any of the Shinigami. Funny, I'm not afraid to fight giant demons and soul-sucking vampires but I can't simply talk to the boy I've wanted to know from the first time I saw him.

Anyway, they obviously didnt't need me to solve the problem, beacuse Ichigo and his team again came back from Soul Society safe and sound.

And now the Arrancar are here. I learnt from a clan leader that Aizen, the mastermind who started the whole Rukia Execution/Soul Society problem was leading the Arrancar into war. Even after knowing all of this, I still stood back and watched an Arrancar tear Ichigo appart. And when one of that Arrancar's superiors came back for him before he could kill Ichigo, I stayed on a rooftop near by, tears flowing down like rivers. I could have even finished that guy only in my shinkai state but I still stood back.

So why didn't I help out? Why didn't I...help _him?_

I like him don't I? Heck, I love him. He's the only one I ever broke the rules for. And if I couldn't break them again I didn't deserve to even know him. He's risked his life several times for his friends, for those he loved. And now he's doing it again, chasing after God-knows-who so he can save Inoue. He's crazy, overconfident, impulsive and...quite wonderful. He's mastered the hollow in him and that'll help some, I admit. But he can't beat Aizen with that if Aizen decides not to let Inoue go. Soul Society is preparing to go to war and they'll need all the help they can get.

I did something quite unlike me today. I stood up at a clan meeting and made myself heard. It wasn't grand and perfect with patriotic music playing in the background. I stuttered a lot and I was shaking so badly I thought I was going to lose my balance. But they listened! And as we speak, the Project elders are discussing it. If they agree with me, we'll risk making ourselves known to Soul Society so we can help them in the war. If they don't, I guess I'll be going alone. Following Ichigo around has its advantages, I know where Urahara's shop is. I know I can convince him to get me into Hueco Muendo if I can prove my power to him (that shouldn't be a problem).

Why not? Now I know for sure that I'm in love with him. I won't allow him to die.

Why don't I help out? Why don't I...help _Ichigo_.

This time...I will.

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Well, that's it. Reviews please. And yes, you can bitch all you want. I just want to know your opinions, yeah? Just so you know I don't write this way, this is really more of an experiment with a different writing style. If you don't like it, I'll submit some of my regular work instead. Thanks. Peace. I'm out.


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